TPT#263 - Normallacy

After a year and a half of ridiculous stress levels caused by things like Child#2's mom trying to move them away but sending him back, George nearly being killed by his intestines, Child#2's behaviour outgrowing his meds, Jess' job change being exponentially more time and effort than advertised, various elderlies' illnesses, holidays, false abuse allegations and pursuant visitation issues, George's work schedule and duties changing irregularly and irrationally, Jess getting contracted out of the obnoxious job without a safety net, George's mother's passing, Jess getting a better job that changes their daily schedule, and the merry-go-round of dealing with an unstable coparent, things seem to finally be settling down. But is our recent sense of normalcy just a fallacy?

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TPT#262 - Your Package is Cockeyed

Some folks alleviate dysphoria by packing, feeling better with the "bulge" where it belongs. Other folks find the process of packing to increase their dysphoria, because it is a persistent reminder of something being missing. George finds himself caught in the middle of these two mindsets, with the physical discomfort and persistent inconvenience of managing packers that don't quite fit right, and a desire to maintain his safety in a small town by not "missing" anything or causing a small human to discuss his trans status with others.

Links to content we discussed:

• Homemade milk/juice jug STP (we find the half-gallon jugs work best): youtube.com/watch?v=TLiaVVihEn4
• George's escapade with a glue-on prosthetic: transpantastic.net/2017/03/acetate-stuck-to-my-sandpaper.html
• The emergence of the "dick patrol": transpantastic.net/2015/02/dick-patrol.html
• "Safety Math", the pertinent mental calculus of personal risk related to minorty status: transpantastic.net/2015/06/safety-math.htm

We are here to share our entire intersectional experience with anyone who finds it beneficial, but we want to know what you connect with the most. You can let us know by clicking to a one-question anonymous survey at vote.pollcode.com/32371374. If you have a request/suggestion that isn't listed, comment, or email us at TransPanTastic@gmail.com!

TPT#261 - Why Do Women...?

The kids are ridiculous. Parenting is bizarre. Making queer friends in the middle of nowhere is difficult. Poker isn't really a card game.

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TPT#260 - A Rainbow A Day

Most members of minority communities encounter experiences that they know wouldn't happen to members of the majority community or dominant demographic. "That wouldn't happen if..." or "They only say that because..." is not an uncommon refrain, not only among queer and trans communities, but also among POCs, religious minorities, and differently abled persons. Between Jess' new job and being percieved as a "girl", George's continuing experience as a man who was socialized female, and our experience raising children with unique challenges, we have our share of "unusual" experiences as well.

Gerry Brooks is the principal and public speaker we referenced, and you can find more about him at gerrybrooksprin.com, and you can view the "Summer Spouse" video we referenced at facebook.com/gerrybrooksprin/videos/summer-spousetag-a-summer-spouse/837088456500750.

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TPT#259 - Resistant To Reality

When George's ex (Child#2's other mom) accused Jess of abuse, everyone knew it was bunk, but nobody realized just how much trouble she would continue to make in the long run. But even when it's not being complicated by difficult adults, parenting is still hard, and as our two youngest become tweens, we are doing our best to continue to be good parents and good people.

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TPT#258 - New Job, Who Dis?

Jess has had some trouble with coworkers and employers percieving their direct demeanor as unsettling or off-putting. This is not an uncommon experience for AFAB persons who have a more masculine way of being in the world, but the ubiquity of the experience doesn't make it any more pleasant. They got a new job last year, but felt it to be a poor fit, so attempted to find a different position this year. Interviews abound, but offers were scarce, should they femme it up some? And how the heck should they do that? Also, it's a good thing George already had gotten his birth certificate corrected, because he needs it to manage some more of his mother's final arrangements.

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TPT#257 - You Can Google That

When you're going to encounter a new situation, it's often a good idea to do a little research. We went to LoveLoud, a one-day music festival in Utah that benefits charities supporting LGBTQ youth. The music was great, the host was awesome, and visiting friends in Salt Lake City was wonderful. Visiting the Mormon Temple complex in trans pride clothing was interesting. George isn't stealth at work, but he's not completely out either, so he often ends up in awkward situations answering questions that people could have researched for themselves. When our Child#1 tried to go overseas, it didn't work as well as he'd hoped, but that's an unfortunate side effect of not doing his research.

The links we referenced in today's episode are:
- Entire livestream video link expired, but video of ID performing is at youtube.com/watch?v=2d8c8-OGSzw
- The bathrooms: huffingtonpost.com/entry/loveloud-music-festival-transgender-bathrooms_us_5b60772ce4b0b15aba9d0411

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TPT#256 - They Only Misgender You When They Aren't Looking At You

The process of caring for a relative in hospice is never easy. The process of managing care duties and communicating with extended family and caring for our own kids left us drained, but George's mom is no longer in pain and the responsibilities are getting managed. Now if we could just get all the old people to quit "she"ing him and making themselves look like crazy old people, we'd be good.

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TPT#255 - I Put It There But It Doesn't Really Exist (Abuse Allegations, Pt. 2)

After the shock of being accused of Jess abusing Child#2 and George allowing him to be abused, we found our footing back in reality as the surrounding circumstances began to shed light on the missing parts of the story. Jess didn't hurt their kid, George wasn't neglectful, and Child#2 and his other mom are both bullies who see themselves as victims. The damage is done, and we're still picking up the pieces, but it looks like our family is on the mend, and George's goodness is slightly less infinite but still quite plentiful.

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TPT#254 - Silently Cursing My Infinite Goodness (Abuse Allegations, Pt. 1)

Child#2 was adopted by George before his transition, in a time when almost nowhere allowed same-sex second parent adoption. In his infinite goodness, he continued to provide his ex a form of joint physical custody, and numerous supports for her to be an effective parent. As a spoonie, she has been in and out of her child's life with no judgment or ill will from us, but the most recent time she came back, she brought all hell with her, and accused Jess of abusing Child#2. Will we be cleared of these allegations? Will we lose our jobs? Will we be able to maintain our marriage?

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