Saturday, December 29, 2018

TPT#267 - Eww, Icky!

We've discussed many times how George is able to accomplish more now, since everyone recognizes him as a man, than he could before transition. Whether that affected his ability to hold his ground with Child#2's other mom, who has known him for over two decades, may never be determined but it worked anyway. Now if he could just use that privilege to get the old guys at the gym to respect the female Tai Chi teacher the same way they do her male substitute, he'd be really proud!

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Saturday, December 15, 2018

TPT#266 - You're Not Wrong

The neighbors invited us over for drinks, and we discussed many progressive topics, including trans folks. They are older, and not generally aware of the "right" way to discuss things, but they are also not entirely wrong in their understanding of the world. Child#2's other mom has been off and on the attack, and Jess keeps making predictions that they hope to be wrong, but generally aren't. Fifth grade math is a challenge for a fifth grader with a developmental delay, but it might be even more of a challenge for George to help Child#2 find right answers and right understandings instead of just hollering out things in hopes of being right.

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Saturday, December 1, 2018

TPT#265 - Gender Guns

Between cooking for Friendsgiving and repairing unbroken Christmas decor, George encountered a transphobe at work.

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Saturday, November 17, 2018

TPT#264 - Trading Tools

As we observed some family celebrations and prepared for the upcoming holidays, we enjoyed the company and assistance of friends and family who know how to make a good joke. #TransLOLs were had.

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Saturday, November 3, 2018

TPT#263 - Normallacy

After a year and a half of ridiculous stress levels caused by things like Child#2's mom trying to move them away but sending him back, George nearly being killed by his intestines, Child#2's behaviour outgrowing his meds, Jess' job change being exponentially more time and effort than advertised, various elderlies' illnesses, holidays, false abuse allegations and pursuant visitation issues, George's work schedule and duties changing irregularly and irrationally, Jess getting contracted out of the obnoxious job without a safety net, George's mother's passing, Jess getting a better job that changes their daily schedule, and the merry-go-round of dealing with an unstable coparent, things seem to finally be settling down. But is our recent sense of normalcy just a fallacy?

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Saturday, October 20, 2018

TPT#262 - Your Package is Cockeyed

Some folks alleviate dysphoria by packing, feeling better with the "bulge" where it belongs. Other folks find the process of packing to increase their dysphoria, because it is a persistent reminder of something being missing. George finds himself caught in the middle of these two mindsets, with the physical discomfort and persistent inconvenience of managing packers that don't quite fit right, and a desire to maintain his safety in a small town by not "missing" anything or causing a small human to discuss his trans status with others.

Links to content we discussed:



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Saturday, October 6, 2018

TPT#261 - Why Do Women...?

The kids are ridiculous. Parenting is bizarre. Making queer friends in the middle of nowhere is difficult. Poker isn't really a card game.

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Saturday, September 22, 2018

TPT#260 - A Rainbow A Day

Most members of minority communities encounter experiences that they know wouldn't happen to members of the majority community or dominant demographic. "That wouldn't happen if..." or "They only say that because..." is not an uncommon refrain, not only among queer and trans communities, but also among POCs, religious minorities, and differently abled persons. Between Jess' new job and being percieved as a "girl", George's continuing experience as a man who was socialized female, and our experience raising children with unique challenges, we have our share of "unusual" experiences as well.

Gerry Brooks is the principal and public speaker we referenced, and you can find more about him at gerrybrooksprin.com, and you can view the "Summer Spouse" video we referenced at facebook.com/gerrybrooksprin/videos/summer-spousetag-a-summer-spouse/837088456500750.

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Saturday, September 8, 2018

TPT#259 - Resistant To Reality

When George's ex (Child#2's other mom) accused Jess of abuse, everyone knew it was bunk, but nobody realized just how much trouble she would continue to make in the long run. But even when it's not being complicated by difficult adults, parenting is still hard, and as our two youngest become tweens, we are doing our best to continue to be good parents and good people.

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Saturday, August 25, 2018

TPT#258 - New Job, Who Dis?

Jess has had some trouble with coworkers and employers percieving their direct demeanor as unsettling or off-putting. This is not an uncommon experience for AFAB persons who have a more masculine way of being in the world, but the ubiquity of the experience doesn't make it any more pleasant. They got a new job last year, but felt it to be a poor fit, so attempted to find a different position this year. Interviews abound, but offers were scarce, should they femme it up some? And how the heck should they do that? Also, it's a good thing George already had gotten his birth certificate corrected, because he needs it to manage some more of his mother's final arrangements.

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Saturday, August 11, 2018

TPT#257 - You Can Google That

When you're going to encounter a new situation, it's often a good idea to do a little research. We went to LoveLoud, a one-day music festival in Utah that benefits charities supporting LGBTQ youth. The music was great, the host was awesome, and visiting friends in Salt Lake City was wonderful. Visiting the Mormon Temple complex in trans pride clothing was interesting. George isn't stealth at work, but he's not completely out either, so he often ends up in awkward situations answering questions that people could have researched for themselves. When our Child#1 tried to go overseas, it didn't work as well as he'd hoped, but that's an unfortunate side effect of not doing his research.

The links we referenced in today's episode are:
- Entire livestream video link expired, but video of ID performing is at youtube.com/watch?v=2d8c8-OGSzw
- The bathrooms: huffingtonpost.com/entry/loveloud-music-festival-transgender-bathrooms_us_5b60772ce4b0b15aba9d0411

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Saturday, July 28, 2018

TPT#256 - They Only Misgender You When They Aren't Looking At You

The process of caring for a relative in hospice is never easy. The process of managing care duties and communicating with extended family and caring for our own kids left us drained, but George's mom is no longer in pain and the responsibilities are getting managed. Now if we could just get all the old people to quit "she"ing him and making themselves look like crazy old people, we'd be good.

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Saturday, July 14, 2018

TPT#255 - I Put It There But It Doesn't Really Exist (Abuse Allegations, Pt. 2)

After the shock of being accused of Jess abusing Child#2 and George allowing him to be abused, we found our footing back in reality as the surrounding circumstances began to shed light on the missing parts of the story. Jess didn't hurt their kid, George wasn't neglectful, and Child#2 and his other mom are both bullies who see themselves as victims. The damage is done, and we're still picking up the pieces, but it looks like our family is on the mend, and George's goodness is slightly less infinite but still quite plentiful.

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Saturday, June 30, 2018

TPT#254 - Silently Cursing My Infinite Goodness (Abuse Allegations, Pt. 1)

Child#2 was adopted by George before his transition, in a time when almost nowhere allowed same-sex second parent adoption. In his infinite goodness, he continued to provide his ex a form of joint physical custody, and numerous supports for her to be an effective parent. As a spoonie, she has been in and out of her child's life with no judgment or ill will from us, but the most recent time she came back, she brought all hell with her, and accused Jess of abusing Child#2. Will we be cleared of these allegations? Will we lose our jobs? Will we be able to maintain our marriage?

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Saturday, June 16, 2018

TPT#253 - On Tuesday Let's Have Queers

Oh, wait, it's pride month? Jess' history with pride events is fairly limited, but George has been to many over the years. From "accidentally" attending a parade in Chicago as an egg-mode high-schooler, to bar hopping in Hawaii, to the first Dyke March in San Francisco, to Child#2 walking in the Trans March in his socks, he's been around the block a bit, but that doesn't stop us from planning for more.

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Saturday, June 2, 2018

TPT#252 - There's No Normal Anymore

While trying to manage George's mom's health care (in between all the other nonsense we deal with on a regular basis) we realized that his straight white male privilege doesn't go as far in female-led settings as it does in more heterogeneously gendered settings. Between her previously mentioned broken shoulder, three hospital visits, uncontrolled diabetes, an antibiotic-resistant UTI, c.diff, and three nursing homes, George's mom has had a go of it, and George has been chasing after all her needs as best he can. Which isn't easy, when everyone he interacts with is (understandably) tired of some guy telling them how to do their job!

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Saturday, May 19, 2018

TPT#251 - Out-Do Your Facial Hair

Dysphoria sucks. As a genderqueer person, some of our culture's homophobic and transphobic framing of fluidity has seeped into Jess' psyche, as evidenced by their reaction to a recent discussion about their dysphoria. Jess' dysphoria as a nonbinary person is different from George's dysphoria as a binary trans man, but they share some similarities.

George uses STP's made from half-gallon plastic jugs, like those seen in the links below:
- youtube.com/watch?v=TLiaVVihEn4
- youtube.com/watch?v=kmHFvqLuMxU

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Saturday, May 5, 2018

TPT#250 - 'Cause I'm Spoiled

George's mom broke her shoulder, Child#2's other mom also had a medical emergency, and both of these things happened on the same day that George had two appointments and Child#2 had one. George's anxiety has anxiety, his mom still can't use the right pronouns and doesn't even recognize him half the time when she percieves him as male, but he still feels spoiled because Jess does his shot. Brightsiding. It helps.

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Saturday, April 21, 2018

TPT#249 - Randomize Your Thoughts

We have the busy. We had bed bugs. We have less furniture. The changing furniture is not related to the bed bugs. We have still more busy. When we're not busy managing bed bugs, or giving our kid's other mom's old furniture back to her, or parenting, or working, sometimes we like to relax with a book, a movie, a podcast, or a TV show.

Media we mentioned or enjoy:

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Saturday, April 7, 2018

TPT#248 - "Mildly" Skeptical

Our challenges are "mildly" increased lately, and by "mildly" we mean completely and entirely. Just like Jess is "mildly" tech-addicted, and George is "mildly" overscheduled. But we stay afloat as we usually do, with lots of "mild" coping humor and the blessing of therapists who aren't gender-dumb.

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Saturday, March 24, 2018

TPT#247 - I Think It's The Chicken Cans

George and Jess have been like ships passing in the night lately, often near but rarely interacting with one another, because of extra responsibilities and challenging circumstances. So today, at distance, we engaged in some "first date" conversation starters, just to re-engage with one another and make sure we could have a conversation.

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Saturday, March 10, 2018

TPT#246 - You Must Be Peter Pan (Aro Ace Mikayla)

While we were at Gallifrey One, we got the opportunity to sit down with one member of the amazing queer Doctor Who podcast, The Web Of Queer. Mikayla is a non-binary aromantic asexual from Ontario, Canada. They were introduced to Doctor Who in 2007, when they started watching it out of self defence in their first year of university. Much to their surprise, they discovered that they actually liked the show everyone was talking about. We got to talking about the infighting among the LGBTQIA+ family and the exclusionary tendencies some folks express toward the Ace and Aro members, as well as the process by which Mikayla came to identify as non-binary and the commonalities of Jess' pansexuality, Mikayla's asexuality, and both of their gender-nonconformity.

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Saturday, February 24, 2018

TPT#245 - Wear Your Effing Ribbons

Getting ready to go to Gallifrey One, like any time we need to leave our kids and other responsibilities behind, is always a challenge. It's our one time each year that we genuinely reserve for only ourselves, but we never get to be actually responsibility-free, and it's sometimes more work to prepare the responsibilities to be left than it would be to just stay and manage them. George's work schedule changed, kids and pets needed supervision, the house needed to be cleaned to welcome the supervision, and travel plans needed to be managed. But we got there.

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Saturday, February 10, 2018

TPT#244 - Everybody's Different

When Jess and George first met, George noted Jess' odd inability to notice or remember certain details unless they were pointed out. They could tell you the title of that one Star Trek episode with "that one thing that did the thing", but they couldn't remember where they put their glasses or when their next staff meeting was supposed to be. They would vacuum and scrub and dust but leave that once-worn pair of jeans on the arm of the couch for over a week or miss a giant puke stain on the side of the toilet. Jess thought there might be something wrong with themself... Until George finally hit parenting-and-exhaustion parity. Between managing the extra challenges of children moving out and back again, then being in and out of the hospital, then handling kids' behavioural reactions to all those transitions, his cognitive and motivational capacity has finally hit the level of overload that Jess has lived with for decades. Turns out neither of them is lazy or forgetful, they're just overwhelmed.

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Saturday, January 27, 2018

TPT#243 - You Can't Be Stealing Trans People's Stories (Performer, Scholar, and Activist, Peterson Toscano)

We're blessed today to speak with our favorite "cissy", Peterson Toscano. Through his one-person comedies and lively lectures, he has delighted audiences throughout North America, Europe, and Africa as he takes on social justice concerns. His plays and talks humorously explore the serious topics of LGBTQ issues, sexism, racism, privilege, gender, and climate change. You can learn more about his work at PetersonToscano.com.

We also referenced:
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Saturday, January 13, 2018

TPT#242 - Extravagantly Crazy Sh*t

The holidays happened. As often, in blended families, they happened on the "wrong" day. As often, in *our* family, they came with the usual nonsense of crazy old people, crazy small people, and Jess and George trying not to catch the crazy. Then George took Child#2 and hopped on a plane to his sister's house, where things were amazingly heteronormative, and he didn't catch the crazy but he might have caught the flu.

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